Blessing To Receive

I am an over-thinker. Often I don't know I'm in a thought spiral until I've reached its middle. And while I've learned in my adulthood that this can be my superpower, allowing me to think deeply about even passing things and develop insights from them, it can also be to my detriment. Over much of my youth I dealt with spiritual insecurity, and these racing thoughts fueled that. And while God has given me such profound freedom, I'm recognizing how often my thought patterns still turn in this direction.

My first thoughts can be anxiety over not being faithful, over how to be faithful, over if I'm properly discerning what God has asked me to do, and over if my confusion is actually my resistance and disobedience.

Every Sunday before communion my pastor announces that we have a prayer team that would love to pray for us if we need it. One particular Sunday as I heard those words, I thought about how I'm not usually quick to ask for prayer despite knowing its goodness and power so intimately. 

Instead of taking this passing thought for the beauty it offered to inspire me, I started spiraling. Maybe I needed to ask for prayer. What if God were telling me I needed it? What if I was being disobedient if I didn't? 

I stepped up to communion in anxiety, trying to discern what I should be doing, but thankfully, God is faithful, and as I picked up the communion elements, His truth settled over me. 

Why was I stressing over whether or not to receive prayer? It wasn't a matter of being faithful and obedient. Prayer was a gift I could receive. Not necessarily because I needed it but because it was available. It was a blessing open to me just like the elements in my hands. It wasn't something to prove my faith but to receive God's testimony, His grace, His blessing. 

So I went for prayer. Because in the place of my fears, God tuned my heart to desire that blessing.

And it was sweet. 

I kept my requests simple, but it filled my soul to receive the words prayed over me. They didn't solve any problems I could see in that moment or deeply impact me, but they refreshed me. And that's part of what prayer is: a beautiful refreshing. A source of renewal that we always have access to. And by God's blessing, I can have access to that in personal prayer, in corporate prayer, and in receiving prayer. I don't have to take advantage of every opportunity, but when I do, it is always a gift God is laying before me.

And that's the beauty He broke into my striving. That's the peace with which He calmed my fears. That's His faithfulness in big moments and in small.

That's my God.

That's the blessing He gives us to receive.