My Love Story

If you thought this would be a post on how I fell in love, sorry to disappoint. 

If you thought this would be a post on our love story with God, that would’ve been a good one. But it’s not this one.  

This is about the love story I want to have. 

More than we can think or imagine. 

That's the dream, pulled from the words of Ephesians 3:20, "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think." They're taken out of context, which is often a bad rule of thumb for Scripture, but that doesn't mean they aren't still true. This passage is a prayer for spiritual strength and rooting in God's love, and understanding God in this way is a part of understanding God's love. God's thoughts and ways are higher than ours (to pull another Scripture from its context), and that means that every blessing He gives us has the potential to be beyond our wildest imaginings. And that's not only in service of the abundance but in the path to it. We are finite. Our requests are limited. But God sees the full picture. He knows how the earth plowed and the seeds planted become a wheat field, ready to harvest. When all we can see is the empty land full of dirt, He knows how it all works together. 

And I want a love story that shows His hand. That does more than I could dream up.

But what does that mean? 

For years I thought it meant that I want God writing the story and not myself, which is still true. But when I thought about that story, I imagined familiar tropes and methods of storytelling and just not knowing which ones God would use. As if God is just another author, working within the bounds of my mind but leaving the particulars a mystery. 

But this year the dream has shifted. Or rather, I've better understood it. Because I don't want my love story to be only for me.

I don't want a love story that makes sense with human tropes; I want a love story that human hands could never write. I want a love story that plots out the story of redemption. That makes God come alive in a new way. That reveals His character to everyone watching it unfold. 

A lot of people have cute, God-ordained love stories that all the romantics would give an "awww," and that's beautiful. I love talking about my sister's 101 Dalmatians meet-cute and everything that came after. God was moving in that story. He was orchestrating. He was writing.

But when I think about my desires for my love story, I don't want the kind of story that makes sense to the world. That has the ability to be told without God. I want Him to be an integral part of its foundation. That the very way I met and grew with my husband would demonstrate God's character. That the beauty of the story would be completely lost if God were cut out of it. 

I want a story where God could give me all the pieces, and I still couldn't figure out how to make them fit together. I've tried too often to write my own story, and I want a story that is impossible for me to write. That I can't figure out, but that I can press into, knowing God's goodness more and more along the way. Trusting in His hand. Believing in His promises. I want my love story to be a testimony to my heart and to everyone who hears it, declaring who God is and how He loves. Reminding me that He is always trustworthy and always good. Reminding me that He is the only One who could've written my marriage, and no matter what seasons come, He is the One I come to, He is the One I trust in, He is the One I know will protect and preserve my covenant with my husband. Because at the end of the day, that covenant is always meant to show His love for us. To remind us of the God who pursues us. Who empowers us. Who sanctifies us. Who keeps us secure. Who loves His people and who will never be far from them. 

I want God to meet the desires of my heart, but I don't want Him to do it in my way. I don't want a story that meets the world's terms but one which requires me to declare my God to even answer the question of how my husband and I fell in love. I want to see God and know Him and love Him all the more through my story, but I also want it to be an opportunity for others to do the same. He has been so faithful to minister to my heart in the way He provides, and through every step of my story I want Him to teach my heart to know His love and through me to make that a testimony to the world.