Worth The Wait

A mom shared a story of a game she would play with her toddler. While she drove, he would shout directions, and if it were safe to do so, she would follow. But sometimes it wasn't safe. Sometimes he shouted "Go!" when the light was red, when pedestrians were crossing the street in front of them, and when oncoming traffic was flying by. She wouldn't go then. Not when he got louder, not when he grew more frustrated, not when he didn't understand why she wouldn't listen to him anymore. She wouldn't go until it was good to do so.

She likened this to waiting. To the ways in which God will sometimes answer our prayers in an instant and sometimes He'll take so long that we struggle to believe that He's even listening. That He's still caring. And yet all the while, He's working for our good, protecting us from danger, and patiently awaiting the fulfillment of our desire.

Recently, I feel like I've been in a season of anticipation. Like I can see across the intersection where the other lights are turning yellow and then red, where cars are slowing down and stopping, and where any second the light in front of me will turn green, and I'll ease my foot off the brake and press forward into God's good answer.

As my anticipation grows (and then wanes as the moments tick by before growing again), I can't help but feel gratitude for the length of my waiting season. The longer I've waited, the deeper the layers have become, and yet the more simple the concept has become. 

God has brought me life in the waiting. He's brought me sanctification. He's prepared me to hold His promises, and He's trained me to live fully prior to their fulfillment. I've learned how to lean on Him (often after I once again try to lean on myself--but hey, I'm getting better at recognizing my striving and self-reliance before they've gotten too far).

As I've waited, here's some of what I've found . . . 

Less tension in the waiting (or maybe a more beautiful tension).

More lessons in the waiting.

How to trust God with my desires and my heart in the waiting.

God's delight has become my desire in the waiting.

My insecurities have been revealed again and again in the waiting.

It's okay for the waiting to be hard. That doesn't mean distrust or lack of surrender.

My Christlikeness has grown in the waiting.

My self-reliance never gives me peace, my attempts to control leave me clutching my desire more hopelessly, and my striving never ends my waiting; it only makes it harder to bear.

God protected me in the waiting when I would have compromised.

My heart has been changed in more ways than I even knew it needed in the waiting.

I have been strengthened. I have grown.

God is making me unhurried in the waiting and preparing me to hold His promises. 

God will end my waiting when the timing is good. It may be tomorrow; it may be longer. He is kind in the waiting.

My eyes have been opened in the waiting. To my sins. To my wounds. To my passions. To my God. To the reality that He is moving every day in every thing even when I lack the knowledge to see what exactly He's doing.

I have seen God in the waiting. I have really come to know Him as my Father in a different way. I have discovered that kind of intimacy. I've seen how He cares for me and my desires and how He planted them in my heart. I have seen His character and learned to trust Him. I've felt His safety and goodness.

God's worked on our relationship in so many areas, but it's in the waiting that I've most learned to depend on Him. To sit with Him. To seek and to have intimacy with Him in a different way. To get my eyes off my desire and onto Him even as I bring my desire before Him.

I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful for how He has used these waiting seasons. I'm grateful for how He didn't end them when I wanted Him to because He cared for my best when I could only see what was in front of me. I'm grateful for how tender He's been with my heart. The gentle teacher, the constant love, my safe harbor, my God. I have known Him in the waiting, and I will continue to know Him in this season of anticipation and beyond. 

I wouldn't change the waiting season for anything.

It has been entirely worth the wait.

And as I step into the fulfillment of His promises and goodness in my life--fulfillment for which my life has yet to hint even as my spirit sings of it--I want to know Him in this new season. I want to know Him as I shift from this waiting season to the blessing of His provision. I want to enjoy the promises and see His love pour out as I have over this time of preparation, of strengthening, of refining, of knowing and being known.

It's been the daily, completely ordinary, unchanged life that has been my biggest source of encouragement and inspiration in this moment of anticipation because I feel God working in those very moments for the things to come. I see His hand. I know He is bringing my future to me. And I'm so curious what comes next. I just want to see what He is doing, and I've been so filled with the present reality that I get to watch Him do it.

I want to see God. I want to know Him all the more beautifully. I want to see God in this season of in a way that's the same and yet different than in the past. That continues to deepen my understanding of Him and my dependence on Him. In sorrow or in joy (though I do believe I'm stepping into joy, whatever else is attached). I want Him to build on what He's been teaching me. I believe He's given me power in the waiting. I believe He's given me ministry in the waiting. And I'm so thankful for it.

 

Lord, thank You for Your blessing. Thank You for not giving me what I want--and what I fully believe You want for me--when I wanted it. Thank You for changing me first, for growing me, for leading me on a journey of becoming. Thank You for protecting me from the traps of foolishness and leading me into the everlasting. Thank You for leading me into life. Thank You for the blessing of the waiting.