Conviction

When I think of conviction, my first thought is usually of sin. But that's not the only form of conviction. We are also convicted to action. To go, to give, to speak. We have conviction to go and sin no more and conviction to move for the Kingdom of God. 

The problem is that we get these two forms confused.

Conviction from sin requires guilt--not shame, but guilt. Guilt tells us that we're doing something wrong, something against God's heart, and--though many wrongly train us to follow guilt into shame and condemnation--it prompts us to return to God. Guilt forces us to look at our hearts against God's and find the inconsistency. It's not meant to condemn us but to bring us to the cross, the place of our redemption, and let our sin die there.

Conviction to something is different. It doesn't require guilt, and yet guilt somehow remains a staple in our understanding of it.

How many times does a call to missions, generosity, outreach, prayer, etc. draw us into a place of guilt for not desiring these things? Even the space between the question--am I called? how much should I give?--can become another residence for guilt, always making the answers feel like a yes. And why am I so inclined to think that if an opportunity makes me feel guilty, I'm called to participate? Like guilt is the calling card of calling.

Of course, we all have callings that are inherent to the Christian walk, and evangelism, prayer, generosity, and so many more are part of that. But I believe that even in these, God wants to offer us life and freedom, not burdens and restrictions. Maybe guilt prompts us to realign with or trust God when it's hard for us to see that freedom in our own understanding, but do we really think that's how God purposes us? Guilt may prompt us back to our calling when sin causes us to drift, but it's not meant to be our motivator.

God designed our hearts in special and particular ways to move in His Kingdom in big and small ways. He prepares and prompts our hearts toward those ways, and guilt is not the source of those callings.

How many people base their wildest dreams off of guilt? Maybe they temper those dreams with guilt, but when we imagine the life we'd most want, we imagine it with desire. With joy. Maybe at times fear or guilt make it feel impossible, but they are not the source of the dream. I believe the same is true when God calls us. 

Yes, sometimes I need to answer a call for generosity with generosity to protect my heart from the easy stumbling blocks of financial idolatry and earthly dependence. But the place of giving is not at its heart the place of guilt.

About a year ago a woman who had always been kind, tender, and intentional with me even though I barely knew her announced that she'd need financial support for a mission opportunity. My heart leapt. I was eager to give, I was filled with joy, and even though I still questioned the particulars of the amount to give, I wasn't plagued by any "shoulds." I wasn't afraid of doing it wrong, not measuring up, or failing at my Christian duty. 

That's when it struck me. When God desires us to act, He moves our hearts. And that movement isn't into gut-wrenching guilt. It's not something we have to go searching for. Sometimes I'm resistant because my vision is clouded, but even then, it's been an inability to let go and not guilt at wanting to that has led me to the direction and blessing God had for me. 

Though the calling may be scary or unwanted, somewhere under it is desire and joy. And more and more, I've experienced that joy being completely unshielded. It's been my first reaction many times. The people I long to pray for, the money I desire to give, the place I want to serve. Something beautiful sits at its core. Even when my heart is selfish, and I give because I know I need it to break those chains, joy comes with the giving. When I act out of guilt, however, and do the "right" thing because I think I have to, I rarely find joy on the other side; instead, I find striving, performance, shame. Guilt is a hollow, fragile, and insecure motivator. Guilt cannot last. It's meant to turn us, not to drive us.

God doesn't need a yes out of a false sense of duty or guilt at us not wanting to say yes. I can know with confidence that every calling He gives me is one that He made me for and will equip me for. Even in the seasons where it feels hard, joy will still be there, waiting to blossom. 

His yoke is easy and His burden light (Matt. 11:30). 

Let joy light the way.